hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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