Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
