there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
