I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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