The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
