bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
