My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
