I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
