I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
