There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
