Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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