so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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