Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im drinking this country out of the recession.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
