FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
