Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
