my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
