Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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