did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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