my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
