Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
