i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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