Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
