i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
