The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
