Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
