Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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