You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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