Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
