Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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