just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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