he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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