A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
