Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In America we eat man semen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
