I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
