They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
