Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
