it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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