I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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