Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
