I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
