did you get engaged???
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
should my penis look like a turkey
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
