Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
