READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
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