Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
