Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
