I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
