so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
