He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
