God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
