new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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