He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
