Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
