I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
